Sunday, July 15, 2007

Episode 1: Heart of Darkness

THE MISSION: Forest Reconnaisance at Night

OBJECTIVE: Get out alive and acquire knowledge to save the planet

Chrissy "Lieutenant Ohura" Colon
Elijah "Woody" Sivin
Dan Strauss codename Desperado
Richie "Buck" G.
Tim AKA The Magnet

Some may find it hard to believe how this uncanny crew survived the jungles of Punta Cana ecoforest located next to the hotel and resort. Yes! a jungle next to the hotel - I kid you not. This treacherous journey began with our clever leader, Chrissy, leaving a walkie talkie behind with Ashivia (in her air-conditioned rm# 3010). As I recall Chrissy said it was important to have communication with the outside world in case we are surrounded by a swarm of tarantulas or liquid magma.

In less than a minute into our journey we were swallowed up by the "selva" with darkness all around us. As we crossed this unforgiving terrain led by our charismatic leader I offered to take the lead in case we should come upon a predator. I am a quixotic individual and my "machismo" told me to protect our dear leader, however I realized that I am unable to distinguish between a water bug or the man-eating beetles from "The Mummy" (we acually saw a few of them!). In the end I decided to let Chrissy go ahead because of her expertise of the fauna; I would better be able to guard her from the back with greater time to react in case the need should arise.

As the team moved steathily through the forest, we began to see animals of proportions that were probably last seen on Land of the Lost. We stopped to investigate a gargantuan tarantula. Dan had the brilliant idea of putting something next to it for scale; and our fearless Tim sacrificed himself and put his most prized possession(A pen he received as a gift from the Queen of England) near the ravenous creature. As he furtively placed the pen down, the savage tarantula leaped and pounced on the unsuspecting object. There were screams everywhere; chaos; disorientation. SILENCE! we need silence! wait I'm the one screaming. I was alarmed to see that my normally steely nerves had disintegrated like a wet tissue.

After that incident our faithful leader chose to leave behind tim and me in this infernal place. I suppose it was a training operation for the new recruits. Unfortunately our cherished leader had never seen Backdraft ("If you go we go"). Luckily, we were able to use our apt survival skills
that we learned from watching "man vs. wild" to overcome these insurmountable odds. On our way back to safety we encountered some giant crabs and the invisible creature from the movie Predator.

Punta Cana with all its high end shi shi tourism should sell a T-shirt: I survived the Jungles of P.C.

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